Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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