You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
