ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
