I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hippo gnu deer
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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