im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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