I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So much rum. So many feels.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
