We're facebook friends in real life
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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