If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
