Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
