Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
