this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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