Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
