but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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