am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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