mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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