Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
