I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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