How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
