There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
