Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
