You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
