Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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