We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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