You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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