I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
