im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
