This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude i'm inner monologue high
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
