Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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