they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
