1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
