between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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