Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
