'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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