i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
