david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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