so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
