Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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