Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
