Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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