I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
