the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
