You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
