Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
