Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If I had your ass I would rule the world
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
