if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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