fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
