You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
