mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
