Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
