after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize