Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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