He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
