Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
