These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
