i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
