when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
