He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
