16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
