Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
