ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
