i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
