I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
