Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
