Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
