oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Houston, we have a squirter
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
