well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
