one word: firstdatebathroomanal
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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