Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
