I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
