We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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