idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
