I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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