the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
