so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
