I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
